b"editor unleashed.Research that compares grief over the with family and arguments with friendsdeath of pets to that over the death of and more often than not, their love andfriends and family has come up with supportcomeswithstringsattached.many different answers. A 2002 article ButdogsofferupunconditionalandPhotograph by Laura Allen Studios.inthejournal,Society&Animals nonjudgmentallove,whichmakesitreviewedmultiplestudiesandfound especially hard to lose them.that the death of a companion animal Then there is the suddenness fac-can be just as devastating as the loss of tor. Former president Bill Clinton toldAnna with her pack Zoe, Chloe, Dougie and Rita.a human significant other. The intensi- Newsweek in 2002 that the death of histyandlongevityofthegriefvaries dog, Buddy, who was hit by a car, was In my dream,Stanley is sitting in a field of widelyineachofus.Sometimesthe byfartheworstthingthathehadprocess begins with a sense of surprise experiencedafterleavingtheWhiterubber balls, and they are bouncing all andperhapsevenshamethatwere House. Not having time to prepare foraround him. He rolls in them, and chases grieving more for a pet than for a sib- adogsdeathusuallymakesitmoreling or a parent. intense,addingalayeroftraumaticthem, drops them into holes, growls and When people realize that the dif- stress.barks and leaps for joy. ference is, the pet gave them constant Yonangoesontosay, Thefactcompanionship,andtherewastotal that our pets are so dependent on usWhen he sees me, he stops, wags his tail, dependency, then they start to under- makes it all too easy to second-guessand then rushes to me, showering me stand and accept why theyre grieving our decisions and descend into a pit ofwith licks, bumping his head into me, sointensely,saidSandraBarker,the guilt. Wewonder, ShouldntIhavesniffing me. directoroftheCenterforHuman- known? Did I do everything I could?AnimalInteractionatVirginia Disenfranchised GriefHey, he says.It's great to see you. He drops Commonwealth University. In an article written for the journalWespendsomuchtimetaking ProfessionalPsychology:Researchanda ball on the ground in front of me, waiting careofourdogsbecauseoftheir Practice was this: Many people, includ-for me to throw it. Balls are rolling and dependency on us. When they die, it ing pet owners, feel that grief over thebouncing everywhere. doesnotsimplyleaveaholeinour death of a pet is not worthy of as muchhome, but in our daily rituals as well. acknowledgement as the death of a per-What was your purpose in my life? Think about the same things your dog son. Unfortunately, this tends to inhibitI ask him. does every day or the same things you people from grieving fully when a petdo for your dogs. Joe Yonan, Food and dies.To make you laugh. To keep fun alive for you. Dining Editor for The Washington Post Writer Joan Didion refers to griefTo make you smile. And let you step out wrote an article in 2012 for the news- as passive and mourning as active in herof yourself. papers Health & Science column, shar- book, The Year of Magical Thinking. Sheing his experience of grief over the loss suggests that we ask ourselves, Whatof his dog, Gromit: have I done or what can I do to active-That's all? I ask. Over the course of 13 years, the ly help myself with the process. Griefsame thing would happen with my dog creeps over you in those famous waves,That's a lot. Gromit every morning. I would sit on whereas mourning is an active processmybedtoputonmyshoes,andhe of remembering, reliving the good andSo, it was that simple? You kept laughter woulddrapehimselfacrossmylap.I thebad,andde-fangingitinaway.would scratch his butt and he would Untilyouhaveexaminedallthosealive for me? reward me with a big sloppy kiss.memories, they dont lose their powerA dozen times a day.forYonandidthemath,accounting to undo you, Joan said. doghasbeenSAVE THISthetimeshetraveledwithout Whenthefamily Gromit. This single morning interac- diagnosed with a terminal illness, as the~ Jon Katz from his book, Going Home, tion occurred more than 4,000 times. caretaker, we are faced with the deci- $Finding Peace When Pets Die. So it makes sense that when he died, it sion of how far to go to make the dogwas months before I could touch my feelbetter.Consideraskingyourselfh shoelaceswithoutexpectingtoalso this: What is the meaning of my dogstouch him. And I had no idea what to life?ThisisaprofoundlyspiritualThis issue is dedicated to store dogs, dowithmymorningswithoutmy question. TheansweroranswerswillShylo of Pawsitively Posh Pooch, and pooch to require that small gesture of comenotwhenanindividualisCowboy of Fluffy Puppies. me, added Yonan. consumed by a flurry of veterinariansEach kept their humans laughter alive, The relationships we have with our and specialists appointments, treatmenta dozen times a day. dogs and cats tend to be simpler than or testsbut in the comfort of soli-those with humans. We have conflicts tude when one feels at peace.U6THE NEW BARKER www.TheNewBarker.com"